Dear Beauty Industry,
I'm just not that into you. It's not you, it's me.
Mostly. Well, it's a little bit you.
Admit it, you do try to give women low self-esteem, so they'll come running to you with a fistful of dollars to make themselves feel better. You're passive aggressive.
You're all 'Oooh, look at this woman, she's 55 but only looks 35 because she's been using our expensive products, how awesome is that? But of course, beauty comes from within*'
(*within our $95 moisturiser)
I do have a lot of your products in my bathroom cupboard, mostly from free* gifts with purchase of my favourite perfume (*not free really, the perfume is super expensive so I'm sure I'm paying for it). I don't know what to do with half of them, and the ones I have worked out...well, I commit myself to using them regularly, but like a lot of relationships based on looks and vanity, I lose interest when the initial excitement wears off.
I'm not a complete bag lady though.
I have just started colouring my hair, but I'm not sure how often I can be arsed doing it. I'm already wondering if I can just spray tan my odd greys for touch-ups.
Speaking of which, I tried my first spray tan from a can today, just on my legs as a test for summer. I have very white skin with freckles, I tend to burn and peel, and mum's poor melanoma outcome is a worry, so sunshine is not for me. It went okay. The overspray didn't get on the dog, I'm not orange and I smell like a nice coconut, so I guess that's a win for you.
And I do wear make-up when I go out. Of course I like to look as nice as my 49 years of natural existence will let me. But it's simple basics; tinted moisturiser, powder, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick. I have my routine so refined now that I can do it in less time than it takes Redfoo to decide who he's sending home on X-Factor. Which isn't much of a brag, I know, some Kardashians have probably married, fought and divorced during a Redfoo speech.
It's the extra stuff you're offering I'm just not buying into. I've never had a manicure, pedicure, facial or massage. I've never been lasered, exfoliated, dermabrased, or de-pigmentated (a couple of those may not be real words, but you get my drift). No Botox, collagen or silicone. I've never been wrapped, peeled, lifted, tucked or liposucked.
|Even she doesn't look happy|
with her eyebrows.
Not a look for me.
Does my lack of partaking in 'extras' make me look older than 49? Maybe. Maybe not. People say I don't look that old, but people are generally polite about that sort of thing to your face. To your wrinkled, tired, sagging, sallow, unmade face.
Does my lack of partaking in 'extras' make me unhappy? Definitely not. A lesser person? Absolutely not.
Does it mean I have more money for wine, shoes, jewellery and your bloody expensive perfume? Hell yes.
What I'm trying to say, Beauty Industry, is that I just want to be friends, with no benefits.
You can't fuck with me.