|Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Graham Norton & Javier Bardem|
I need a laugh. A big one.
The last big laugh I had was last Saturday night while watching the Graham Norton Show featuring the above three stars of the latest James Bond movie, Skyfall. They got to talking about the Bond girls, Dame Judi said she had never been asked to be a Bond girl 'back in the day', and of course, Pussy Galore's name came up, as it always does, as the most 'classic' Bond Girl name ever.
Graham then announced the formula for coming up with your own personal Bond Girl name.
First name = your word/nickname you used for your genitals (when you were young, or not so young)
Surname = your grandmother's maiden name
I laughed out loud when Daniel Craig admitted his Bond Girl name would be 'Cock Hargreaves'.
And I laughed even more when a lady in the audience had the courage to say hers would be 'Marjorie... something'. I don't even remember the surname, I drowned it out in laughter. She admitted an ex-boyfriend had nicknamed her vagina 'Marjorie', and then it got even funnier when her mother was pointed out sitting next to her, and she acknowledged her father who would be watching the show at home. Poor 'Marjorie'.
So I started thinking and could only remember my 'Privates' being called exactly that when I was young, or it was referred to as my 'Bottom'. And which grandmother?
I guess my Bond Girl name, should they ever come calling for me to take a role, will have to be...
PRIVATE SMITH or
Perhaps with a bit of artistic licence I could be a soldier-type Bond Girl called Private Botty Bertram?
So come on. Make me laugh. Hit me with your Bond Girl name.