Thursday, March 29, 2012

I Am Bargain Shopper, Hear Me Roar



(With sincere apologies to Helen Reddy)
 
I am bargain shopper, hear me roar
Found prices too low to ignore
But I’ve spent too much to go home and pretend
‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
“Did you really need to buy more?”
No-one’s ever gonna question me again


Oh, yes, I am tired
And the parcels give me pain
Yes, I paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can return everything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper


The parcels bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
The sales racks make me stronger
Not a novice any longer
And the discount is like heaven to my soul


Oh fuck, I am tired
And these shoes are causing pain
But they were a good price
So what if I’m insane?
If I have to
I can take Nurofen
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper


I am shopper, watch me glow
See me standing toe to toe
As I elbow other shoppers out the way
It’s not a gentle blow
And I may call you a ho
If you beat me to that bargain in the fray


Oh crap, fucking tired
And my head is full of pain
But did you see that price?
I just cannot refrain
If I have to
I will buy everything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper





Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Corners

You may have noticed that while I took to the Feb Photo a Day Challenge with a vengeance, I'm having a break for March, with plans to jump back on board next month if enthusiasm holds. That's if it's still going, which considering its success, I think it will be.
That's not to say I haven't been watching though. And one day this month I noticed the theme was 'a corner of your home'. I started looking at my corners, wondering which I would have chosen, then realised I probably needn't take it so literally. A corner can mean a cosy spot. Who says there has to be right angles involved? Even Barbra sang about memories lighting the corners of her mind and I bet her mind isn't square.
But the kid in me who got straight As for maths in high school wanted to please the teacher, Mr Pythagorus, with specific accuracy, so my eyes were continually drawn back to the literal corners of my home and I just had to take a few snaps. I looked at the pics and found myself wondering if you can tell much about the people who inhabit a space by looking in their corners. I mean, mostly in mine you'll find dust, which tells you I might be a lazy housebitch, and you'd be right.
But what else do they say?

First to the family room.


This corner says nice things. Scented candle. Perfumed roses, freshly picked from the garden. Memories. Old photos. Venetian glass. A grandmother's Red Cross certificate from the Great War, almost 100 years old, framed and on show. All gathered around another grandmother's family heirloom, a cedar chiffonier which has been lovingly restored. It all says "She loves history and nostalgia. A sense of family." Or "That old cupboard is worth a bloody fortune, I'll have that."

Let's go to the kitchen.


 
These corner shelves show a collector may live here. Jugs, teapots, and old crockery. Tins, bowls and kitchen utensils. Everything old. They say "Oh, she appreciates times gone by and pretty, useful things." Or "Whoa, somebody call that Hoarders show."

In another corner of the kitchen...


 
This says "Somebody is a tea drinker." Or... ummm... yeah, that's pretty much it.

Into the back room we go.


Books, books and more books. It says "Somebody is an avid reader." Or "Somebody sure likes to avoid housework by reading all day." Or "Is she trying to fool us into believing she's intelligent, or what?"


A PC, printer and a pile of bills to be paid. This says "Normal."

Let's brave the Daughter's bedroom.



Awww, this says "A lover of purple, teddies and fairies. And possibly chickens." Oh, wait a minute... what's in that corner...


Chaos and a True Blood poster. This says "Apparently she's a vampire who no longer needs to look into her mirror, nor use this dresser as a desk. Where the hell does she do her homework then?"

Time to step gingerly into the Son's room. (Gas masks on, people)



Red and yellow walls, a small wardrobe, funny poster and basketball paraphernalia. This says "Teenage male with simple clothing tastes who watches TV and loves basketball." Yeah, there isn't even an "or" to go with this shot. That's it. In another corner...


"Teenage male who watches TV, loves sport, and has an interest in geography." Or "Teenage male who watches TV, loves sport, and was given a globe for a birthday present by an auntie many years ago for no fathomable reason."


Come into my bedroom with me. (You've always wanted me to say that to you, haven't you?)


The first thing you'll notice is the very big jug. Euphemism? Possibly. It's white and has pink on the tips, so... Moving on. The scattered perfume bottles may tell you I just like to smell nice, or that my son and his friends smell so bad I like to have a masking agent close at hand at all times. The overall darkness says "She likes mystery and ambience in the boudoir." Or "She didn't turn on the light in case it showed up the dust on the dresser." You will notice the lack of sex toys on display. This says "Conservative and shy, hides the minx inside." Or "She keeps them closer to the bed." Or "She quickly hid them before taking the photo." Or "Sex toys? What sex toys? I just want to sleep..."

Bathroom next.



Cotton balls, fragrant diffuser and scented soaps. This says "They like rooms to smell nice." Or "Her Husband steals the soap from every hotel room he stays in."
And in another corner...


"This woman has jug issues."

I think we should wander into the hallway.


Leadlight, old furniture, a sunhat, and a collection of old umbrellas, walking sticks, cricket bats, and even a croquet mallet. This says "More nostalgia, a love of useful things from the past and present, displayed for all visitors to see." Or "I have a cache of weapons by my front door if you try to break in, and I am not afraid to use them."

Living room next.


More freshly picked roses on an old restored ice chest, an old clock, and a vintage standard lamp picked up at auction. This says "Simplistic beauty, she has an eye for a good vignette." Or "Boooooooring. She didn't dust the ice chest. And have you noticed all the windows? Has a bit of an obsession with timber venetians, doesn't she?"

Fine. Surely the laundry is the last stop on my corner tour.


"More venetians and old shit? Seriously?"


I've been mulling over these photos for a while. Maybe the corners of my home say something about us, maybe they don't. Maybe they give you an idea, but not the whole picture. Or maybe there is one corner which tells the entire story in one hit......




"Pisshead who never dusts."







Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Time to hand out some dough....



Thanks to everbody who entered the draw, my mouth watered constantly as I read how you all like to eat your buns.
The three lucky winners, who will each get a $10 voucher from Baker's Delight are:

Dorothy
Karen Wade
River

Yay! If you read this before I have a chance to get in touch with you, email your postal address to me at catep@live.com.au and I'll get the vouchers in the mail to you ASAP.

AND DON'T FORGET EVERYBODY, BUY YOUR HOT CROSS BUNS FROM BAKER'S DELIGHT ON SATURDAY MARCH 24TH, AND $1 FROM EVERY SIX-PACK WILL GO TO CHILDREN'S HOSPITALS AROUND THE COUNTRY.

I'm going to buy loads....

Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Hot Cross Bundraiser and Giveaway




I knock back, or ignore, blogging opportunities all the time. I received an offer of vouchers to buy school uniforms. Shame my kids don't go to primary school in the UK or I may have been interested. I was also offered the free use of a campervan for a holiday and I let it go. Of course, I would have had to get to the US to take it up, and campervans make me claustrophobic, but I'm sure that's beside the point.

But when Baker's Delight combine Hot Cross Buns with a fundraiser for children's hospitals and vouchers to give away? I'm IN.

Hot cross bun cravings in every household, especially mine, will be made all that much sweeter on Saturday March 24, as bakeries across Australia aim to hand craft over 500,000 freshly baked hot cross buns to help raise valuable ‘dough’ for children’s hospitals across the country.

‘Bundraiser’ Day will see all 614 Bakers Delight bakeries across Australia, donate $1 from every six-pack of hot cross buns sold to hospitals across the country, helping make a difference to sick children this Easter and aiming to surpass the $104,000 fundraising target.

To me, this was a no-brainer. We love our Baker's Delight Hot Cross Buns every year anyway, and to know if we stock up on the 24th we'll be helping to raise money for a great cause makes it worthwhile. (I also love made-up words, so they had me at 'Bundraiser') I received a six-pack of traditional buns and a six-pack of choc-chip buns to taste test, and three $10 vouchers to give away.

First, the tasting......

I love my traditional buns. Fresh, with lashings of butter, or zapped to warm up, again with lashings of butter. Son likes them warm and buttered, Daughter likes them fresh with no butter, and Husband is just lucky to get whatever's left when he gets home, but will eat them either fresh, warm, or even toasted under the griller.



Either way, we all pretty much inhale them with gusto.
We will eat them any time... breakfast, snack, whenever the craving hits... and they have always been a major Easter tradition in our family (probably the only one, unless you count me wearing bunny ears and drinking too much wine a 'tradition').




And then there's the choc-chip buns... ooooh....

I had never tried them before. I love chocolate on its own, but don't generally go down the 'choc-chip path'. In a word? Scrumptious. I wouldn't eat them for breakfast or scoff a six-pack all at once, but they make a great sweet treat for dessert, or with coffee for morning tea. Oh, and best eaten fresh, although warming them does give you chocolatey-finger-lickin-good hands afterwards, as my dog discovered.


No matter how, where or when they're eaten, or by whom, this is the end result.



And thanks to Baker's Delight I have THREE $10 vouchers to give away which can be used at any of their stores in Australia to purchase bread, hot cross buns, whatever you like.

All you have to do is leave a comment below telling me how you like to eat your hot cross buns and three winners will be chosen at random. Entries close 3pm next Tuesday 20th March. Open to Aussies only; make sure you are following my blog and I have a way of contacting you if you're a winner.

AND DON'T FORGET TO BUY HOT CROSS BUNS FROM YOUR LOCAL BAKER'S DELIGHT STORE ON SATURDAY 24TH MARCH.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Interview Series: Fleur McDonald, Author


 My second poor victim in The Interview Series is the wonderful Australian author Fleur McDonald, whose novels Red Dust, Blue Skies, and the soon-to-be released Purple Roads capture the world of the outback, our farmers, their problems and their lovely smelling sheep in vivid detail. I have written about Fleur and her novels here before, and will be reviewing her new book soon. For now, let's talk about semen catching... yes, read on...


Finish these sentences.

My first words were… Mum

My first words should have been… look out, I’m here.

My last words will probably be… It’s been fun.

When I was an innocent child I thought… All mums liked hearing their name… A lot. MuuuuM! I now know this isn’t the case.

My teachers probably remember me as… a pain in the arse!

I’ve always wished… I could make a difference

If I could swap hairstyles with someone for a day, I would choose… Kate Middleton

I almost peed my pants when… the bull I was working with in the yard decided he wanted to shake my hand… or get up close and personal. He wasn’t my type.

The most memorable laugh I got was… Sorry that is not something I can tell you! Or the rest of the world.

If I had George Clooney’s phone number… Who? Now if I had Colin Firth’s phone number that would be different.

The weirdest thing I’ve done for my work/art/partner (pick one) is… semen catching…. Yeah now before you get all get excited… Bull semen has to be collected in jars and tested to make sure he’s fertile. It’s not my favourite job.I can still hear you laughing…

One moment I’d like to forget is… Calling a bloke I know really well, by someone else’s name. Not just someone’s name, someone he detests, name! Argh, I can still feel the heat from my face.

I cannot leave home without… My phone.

I’m embarrassed that I don’t know how to… say my times tables and help my kids with year six and seven math.

The personality trait most useful in my life is… Communication. Although that depends on who you are. Not everyone likes the fact I like to communicate with them, as often as I do.

My favourite Muppet is… The only one I can think of is Kermitt, so it must be him. Great, I like a singing frog. I HATE frogs…

In the movie of my life story, I would be played by… My best friend. She knows me better than anyone.

When in doubt… shut up and listen. (I should learn to take my own advice. I bluster on in hope someone will save me.)

And finally
Leggings as pants. Discuss.
Only if you’re as thin as Kate Middleton. Other than that, never. Ever. Jeans rule. (I’m just jealous coz my legs aren’t skinny.)

Purple Roads is available from 2nd April

Check out Fleur's site: fleurmcdonald.com

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Women


In honour of International Women's Day.....

Grandmothers, sisters, cousins, friends, aunts, daughters, sisters-in-law, mothers, nieces, god-daughters...






























































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