Mar 29, 2012

I Am Bargain Shopper, Hear Me Roar

(With sincere apologies to Helen Reddy)
I am bargain shopper, hear me roar
Found prices too low to ignore
But I’ve spent too much to go home and pretend
‘Cause I’ve heard it all before
“Did you really need to buy more?”
No-one’s ever gonna question me again

Oh, yes, I am tired
And the parcels give me pain
Yes, I paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can return everything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper

The parcels bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
The sales racks make me stronger
Not a novice any longer
And the discount is like heaven to my soul

Oh fuck, I am tired
And these shoes are causing pain
But they were a good price
So what if I’m insane?
If I have to
I can take Nurofen
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper

I am shopper, watch me glow
See me standing toe to toe
As I elbow other shoppers out the way
It’s not a gentle blow
And I may call you a ho
If you beat me to that bargain in the fray

Oh crap, fucking tired
And my head is full of pain
But did you see that price?
I just cannot refrain
If I have to
I will buy everything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am bargain shopper

Mar 20, 2012

Time to hand out some dough....

Thanks to everbody who entered the draw, my mouth watered constantly as I read how you all like to eat your buns.
The three lucky winners, who will each get a $10 voucher from Baker's Delight are:

Karen Wade

Yay! If you read this before I have a chance to get in touch with you, email your postal address to me at and I'll get the vouchers in the mail to you ASAP.


I'm going to buy loads....

Mar 15, 2012

A Hot Cross Bundraiser and Giveaway

I knock back, or ignore, blogging opportunities all the time. I received an offer of vouchers to buy school uniforms. Shame my kids don't go to primary school in the UK or I may have been interested. I was also offered the free use of a campervan for a holiday and I let it go. Of course, I would have had to get to the US to take it up, and campervans make me claustrophobic, but I'm sure that's beside the point.

But when Baker's Delight combine Hot Cross Buns with a fundraiser for children's hospitals and vouchers to give away? I'm IN.

Hot cross bun cravings in every household, especially mine, will be made all that much sweeter on Saturday March 24, as bakeries across Australia aim to hand craft over 500,000 freshly baked hot cross buns to help raise valuable ‘dough’ for children’s hospitals across the country.

‘Bundraiser’ Day will see all 614 Bakers Delight bakeries across Australia, donate $1 from every six-pack of hot cross buns sold to hospitals across the country, helping make a difference to sick children this Easter and aiming to surpass the $104,000 fundraising target.

To me, this was a no-brainer. We love our Baker's Delight Hot Cross Buns every year anyway, and to know if we stock up on the 24th we'll be helping to raise money for a great cause makes it worthwhile. (I also love made-up words, so they had me at 'Bundraiser') I received a six-pack of traditional buns and a six-pack of choc-chip buns to taste test, and three $10 vouchers to give away.

First, the tasting......

I love my traditional buns. Fresh, with lashings of butter, or zapped to warm up, again with lashings of butter. Son likes them warm and buttered, Daughter likes them fresh with no butter, and Husband is just lucky to get whatever's left when he gets home, but will eat them either fresh, warm, or even toasted under the griller.

Either way, we all pretty much inhale them with gusto.
We will eat them any time... breakfast, snack, whenever the craving hits... and they have always been a major Easter tradition in our family (probably the only one, unless you count me wearing bunny ears and drinking too much wine a 'tradition').

And then there's the choc-chip buns... ooooh....

I had never tried them before. I love chocolate on its own, but don't generally go down the 'choc-chip path'. In a word? Scrumptious. I wouldn't eat them for breakfast or scoff a six-pack all at once, but they make a great sweet treat for dessert, or with coffee for morning tea. Oh, and best eaten fresh, although warming them does give you chocolatey-finger-lickin-good hands afterwards, as my dog discovered.

No matter how, where or when they're eaten, or by whom, this is the end result.

And thanks to Baker's Delight I have THREE $10 vouchers to give away which can be used at any of their stores in Australia to purchase bread, hot cross buns, whatever you like.

All you have to do is leave a comment below telling me how you like to eat your hot cross buns and three winners will be chosen at random. Entries close 3pm next Tuesday 20th March. Open to Aussies only; make sure you are following my blog and I have a way of contacting you if you're a winner.


Mar 11, 2012

The Interview Series: Fleur McDonald, Author

 My second poor victim in The Interview Series is the wonderful Australian author Fleur McDonald, whose novels Red Dust, Blue Skies, and the soon-to-be released Purple Roads capture the world of the outback, our farmers, their problems and their lovely smelling sheep in vivid detail. I have written about Fleur and her novels here before, and will be reviewing her new book soon. For now, let's talk about semen catching... yes, read on...

Finish these sentences.

My first words were… Mum

My first words should have been… look out, I’m here.

My last words will probably be… It’s been fun.

When I was an innocent child I thought… All mums liked hearing their name… A lot. MuuuuM! I now know this isn’t the case.

My teachers probably remember me as… a pain in the arse!

I’ve always wished… I could make a difference

If I could swap hairstyles with someone for a day, I would choose… Kate Middleton

I almost peed my pants when… the bull I was working with in the yard decided he wanted to shake my hand… or get up close and personal. He wasn’t my type.

The most memorable laugh I got was… Sorry that is not something I can tell you! Or the rest of the world.

If I had George Clooney’s phone number… Who? Now if I had Colin Firth’s phone number that would be different.

The weirdest thing I’ve done for my work/art/partner (pick one) is… semen catching…. Yeah now before you get all get excited… Bull semen has to be collected in jars and tested to make sure he’s fertile. It’s not my favourite job.I can still hear you laughing…

One moment I’d like to forget is… Calling a bloke I know really well, by someone else’s name. Not just someone’s name, someone he detests, name! Argh, I can still feel the heat from my face.

I cannot leave home without… My phone.

I’m embarrassed that I don’t know how to… say my times tables and help my kids with year six and seven math.

The personality trait most useful in my life is… Communication. Although that depends on who you are. Not everyone likes the fact I like to communicate with them, as often as I do.

My favourite Muppet is… The only one I can think of is Kermitt, so it must be him. Great, I like a singing frog. I HATE frogs…

In the movie of my life story, I would be played by… My best friend. She knows me better than anyone.

When in doubt… shut up and listen. (I should learn to take my own advice. I bluster on in hope someone will save me.)

And finally
Leggings as pants. Discuss.
Only if you’re as thin as Kate Middleton. Other than that, never. Ever. Jeans rule. (I’m just jealous coz my legs aren’t skinny.)

Purple Roads is available from 2nd April

Check out Fleur's site:

Mar 8, 2012


In honour of International Women's Day.....

Grandmothers, sisters, cousins, friends, aunts, daughters, sisters-in-law, mothers, nieces, god-daughters...

Mar 6, 2012

Adult Education

Every year it’s the same. The course guide from our local adult learning centre arrives telling me to remember my resolutions, get involved and achieve my goals, whatever they are. It includes a cover shot of someone of indeterminate age looking excited and raring to go. Where they are going, I do not know. This year it is a woman doing what I am politely describing as a double fist pump. If I was impolite I might say she is doing a dry hump to “I’m Sexy and I Know It”.

Every year I react the same way.

I browse through it, making snide remarks - “’Working With Pharmaceuticals’? What, they’re teaching how to start backyard drug labs now?”

I yawn at some of the boring courses – ‘Timing Investment Using Cycles’, which at $92 for one session seems a fairly poor investment, so if that’s what they’re teaching, the class will be bankrupt in no time.

I snort at some of the course titles designed to grab attention – ‘Psychology of Winning’ may have to pay Charlie Sheen royalties unless, heaven forbid, he actually is the lecturer.

I nod at up-to-date courses – ‘Understanding Your Android Tablet’ , though I am a tad concerned some of the more senior students may have enrolled thinking they were learning about a new laxative of some description.

And I skip over the courses which I know I will never be tempted to undertake – let’s just say they mostly involve either outboard motors, sewing machines, embalming fluid or instructors called Madam Zelda.

I also mentally note my ‘Should’ and ‘Could’ courses. I should do some computer and photoshop courses so I don’t cry every time something goes wrong.  I could learn another language so I can understand what my neighbours are saying when they argue. I should do the creative writing workshop if I really want to be a writer when I grow up. I could do event management, piece of piss, I ran a playgroup of fifty-five 0-4 year olds and their neurotic parents for a year.

This year, Husband got his hands on the course guide first, and perused it while we enjoyed a late, leisurely breakfast with our 17 year old daughter. When he grunted, I knew something had caught his eye. A conversation then went as follows…

HUSBAND: “There’s a session called ‘Learning to Love Yourself’. Crock of shit.”

ME: “Maybe they should change its name to ‘Masturbation 101’, they’d get more enrolments.”

HUSBAND (choking on his toast): “It’s not THAT kind of adult course.”

ME: “It could end up that way if it’s boring.”

There was a brief silence as he read on, after the Daughter stopped laughing and composed herself.

HUSBAND: “Hah, here’s one. ‘Understanding the Opposite Sex’. Blimey.”

ME: “For women or men?”

HUSBAND: “Doesn’t specify. Both, I guess.”

ME: “Well, that’s stupid. For women, it would be only one session required. For men, graduation date would be indefinite. You’ll never understand us.”

This time Daughter choked on her toast and high-fived me.

HUSBAND: “What about ‘Get Motivated!’? “

We all looked around at each other, still in our pyjamas, no intention of moving.

ME: “Next.”

HUSBAND: “Bloody hell, how’s this? There’s a course on Separation taught by someone in Family Law. It looks at issues when contemplating separation or divorce. So, what, you sneakily go along to the course before you even split up? That’s low.”

ME: “Shit, what if you secretly enrol, and you turn up the first night, and YOUR PARTNER IS THERE TOO? HILARIOUS! Guess it would make for an amicable divorce if they both had the same idea.”

HUSBAND: “Oh. Nah, it’s only for men. No bloke will run into his own wife then.”

ME: “Is there one for women?”

HUSBAND (reads on): “Nup.”

ME: “Bloody discrimination. Hey, what about a gay male couple? Two men. They could both turn up. ”

HUSBAND (after glancing at me in disbelief, reads on) : “Oh wait, there is a separate one just for women.”

ME (grinning): “Oh. Good. Can you mark what page that’s on for me? I’m contemplating.”

By this stage Daughter was in tears, Husband was snorting, rolling his eyes and shaking his head and I did what I always do. Tossed the course guide in the recycling pile and enrolled in nothing. I’ve already achieved my goals for the year. I got two people to choke on their toast. Hey, I never said my goals were high…


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