I'm A (Not A) Mummy Blogger Dropout

Yeah, that's me. Dropped out. Resigned. Unjoined. Whatever the correct term is. (To sound tech savvy I suppose I should say deleted and unsubscribed.)

When I first joined what I think was then known as the Aussie Mummy Bloggers group, I did write a post confessing I felt like I had committed some sort of cyber fraud and was about to be arrested by the Mummy Police. Whilst, yes, I am a Mum, as evidenced by two episiotomies, big saggy boobs, an always empty purse and an unhealthy wine dependency, and yes, I am a blogger, as evidenced by what you are reading now, I have never considered myself a 'Mummy Blogger'. And never will. And I may have, once or twice, threatened virtual violence against anyone who called me one. So... a bit hypocritical to stay a member, no? Yes. (and I'm sorry, but rebadging it as Digital Parents didn't make me feel any better, it just brought a lot of silly jokes to mind).

I recently received a survey from the group and whilst I normally ignore those sorts of things because I always have something better to do, like paint my toenails, I decided to do it. I think, somewhere deep down, but not down as far as my toenails, I suspected it was going to be my 'Last Hurrah' as a Digi P. (now that sounds cooler, if not a little like a 90s rap artist or a Japanese Anime character). Especially when I got to the question... and forgive me if the wording is not exact but the gist was...

"What do you find most challenging about blogging?"

My first thought was... "Well, nothing. It's not challenging. It's fun. Like a hobby. You do hobbies because they're fun. Why would it be a challenge. Huh? That's a stupid question. I write what I want, when I want, that's no challenge. But I guess that's not what they want to hear..."

And so I sat there, staring at the screen, racking my brains, trying to think of what was challenging about blogging. But 'nothing' was the only word popping into my head. And then I shook myself... not literally, my big saggy boobs tend to flop about when I do that. Metaphorically. I had been nothing but brutally honest in the survey so far, as I am on my blog, so why was I trying to invent an answer?

Gasp. To fit in with the other Mummy bloggers?? Holy shit, the end was nigh.

So I answered "Nothing. I don't find it challenging. Blogging shouldn't be a challenge, it should be fun." Or similar words to that effect.

And I was happy and I finished the survey with more frankness (No, I don't really like advertising on blogs, No, I don't tend to read sponsored posts, Yes, I've done a Giveaway and will again but it's never been about 'what's in it for me?', No, I don't make money from my blog, I'm just here for the stories baby) and I thought no more about it.

You know before, when I said I suspected the survey was my Last Hurrah? Yeah, the fat lady started singing when the survey results came through titled "This Is Who We Are". And it wasn't me. I just don't think I fit in.

Okay, so I'm in the Women majority (98%) and the Stay At Home category (59%) and I use a conversational style of writing on my blog (89%). They didn't specifically ask about swearing, I was fucking disappointed in that.

But then I noticed the ages. 85% are between 28 and 46. Having just turned 47, I'm not getting closer to the majority, I'm moving further away from it. Shit, I know I tell you all I'm 29 but nobody believes that crap, especially when today, and most days, I look 72.

My kids, at almost 19 and not-far-off-from 17, are positively ancient when it comes to the majority, with 61% having kids aged 2-4. No wonder I can't have dinner conversations with other blogger Mums about the Gruffalump or whatever it is, or Dora the shit explorer who can speak two languages but can't find the shoe which is right behind her, and I'm sorry but I don't have a fucking clue who Igglepiggle is... is he a genetically modified pet on Old MacDonald's farm? And what the fuck is a Ninky Nonk? Is that what Mums are calling a Valium and Vodka cocktail these days so the kids are none the wiser? And what does CBeebies mean? A cute way for a bloke to say "see boobies" in front of the kids when they want to cop a gawk?? What happened to the good old days? We had Bananas in Pyjamas. No mystery. No made up words. They were BANANAS, and they were dressed in PYJAMAS.

Most bloggers post 3-5 times a week. What the fuck? My own kids don't even want to listen to me 3-5 times a week, let alone a bunch of strangers. You people really have important things to share that often? Damn, and I thought I had a pretty interesting life. Oh wait, I do have an interesting life so I wouldn't even have time to blog quality posts 3-5 times a week...

One of the survey responses which made me feel like a real outsider was this...

Seventy-one percent of parent bloggers have the goal to be an expert blogger or to make money from blogging.

Really? You actually have goals? Huh.

And the word 'expert' has never sat well with me. Saying you're an expert at something means you think you know all there is to know about the subject, and you've stopped learning and growing. I will never be an expert blogger and have no desire to be because I still don't know what Html means.

And as for the 'challenging' question I answered so honestly... eventually... limited time is an immense challenge amongst bloggers... balancing blogging with family, work, promoting their blog and interacting with other bloggers are the most significant challenges.

You know what I'm going to say, don't you? Umm... don't do it then? Nobody is forcing you. It's supposed to be FUN, to enhance your life and be enjoyable, not a challenge you set yourself to accomplish in the eleven minute window you have between finishing washing the dishes at 10.30pm and sex with the Husband scheduled at 10.41. And... you know... DON'T TRY TO DO IT 3-5 TIMES A WEEK THEN. I mean the blogging, not the sex. Now that would be a challenge...

There was a lot of talk about 'marketing initiatives' and 'working with brands' and 'influencing readers to buy'. Yawn. Whilst I was pleased to see that 96% of bloggers claim to write personal stories (which is what I LOVE), the fact that product reviews at 52% outnumbered opinion pieces at 51% was disheartening. Are people giving up on expressing their personal opinions about what's going on in the world in favour of reviewing a product in order to get a freebie? Or is it because they are aged 28-46 and have two children aged 2-4, and would like to be given a free Pixar DVD and box of toys to review in the hope of keeping their kids quiet for 90 minutes while they catch up with other blogger mums on Twitter, rather than bother to write a post about the intelligent opinions they once had before sleep deprivation killed them all? Oh yes, I may see their point.

Before anyone gets all up in my face, I'm not bagging the work that has been put into creating online parent blogging communities or the bloggers involved, far from it. They offer a lot to people who need or want that connection and I'd recommend it highly to anyone aged 28-46 who asked about it.

It's just that I never really needed or used it. I'm not in that place.

And I like the place I'm in.

I can have no goals here.

And I can have them more than 3-5 times a week.