Wherever I turn lately there seems to be a penis staring back at me.
Not literally; I don't live in a Naturist Community. The desire to try that disappeared about 15 kilos ago. Especially when I saw one on TV and realised it was populated by all the people who really should not be naked. Ever.
I'm also not complaining. They just seem to be everywhere; I mean on blogs, on TV, in movies, stage shows, discussions about them both on-line and in real life. Saying the word penis and showing a live one is no longer taboo, disgusting or even impolite. <Disclaimer: This is not an invitation, I repeat, NOT an invitation. Except for.... never mind.>
Kerri Sackville wrote a blog post about penises recently that set the comments section on fire, requiring a very big hose to douse the flames. (Sorry, I won't make any more lame double entendre jokes, I promise.) Penises and vaginas were discussed at length. Ahem. It also set Twitter conversations alight as women stepped forward to describe their husbands. After a few hours there was a virtual multicultural meat platter being handed around. My commiserations to whoever it was who brought the cocktail frankfurts to the party. Don't feel too bad though, I brought SPAM.
More foreign movies, or just less censored ones, are being aired (thank you SBS) where there seems to be an endless array of body parts on display. Although flicking onto one late at night and finding the gorgeous and previously lusted-after Daniel Craig fucking a naked old lady (playing his mother-in-law *vomit*) from behind was enough to induce hideous nightmares instead of erotic orgasms.
Documentaries and medical shows like Embarrassing Bodies, which has a Penis Gallery on its website's homepage, line up men's sports teams to measure their penises, both flaccid and erect, to calculate averages and show how varied they all are. They didn't go as far as putting names and faces to the measurements; they were tallied anonymously to avoid total humiliation for Wee Willie. Shame though… there was one bloke I wouldn't have minded meeting…. meh, was probably the ugly one with the hairy arse anyway.
I was going to add to my series of "Through The Ages" … our journey through life and how our attitudes, needs and desires change depending on our age
(Taking a Woman To Bed, What Women Want In A Man, What Women Want in Other Women)… with the very original title of "What Women Want In A Penis", but I'm not certain that our penis requirements vary substantially throughout life.
Before the age of say 25-30, we want it to function constantly, be faithful, not get adjusted in public, and wear a condom.
From roughly 30 to 45, we want it to function regularly, be faithful, not get adjusted in public, and produce high quality sperm.
From 45 to about 60, we want it to just function, be faithful, not get adjusted in public, and be shooting blanks.
After 60 we just want it to remember what it's used for.
And at all ages, we want it to NOT PISS ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT.